Echoes in my ears


His voice echoed in my ears
“Nothing will last forever
Till then we should stay together
And filled our lives with laughters
We love each other, that is what matter”
He wiped my tears and looked straight into my eyes; “I don’t want us separated”
It was painful just to remember that evening
When those words came from him
“Let us hug each other…four of us
This way we will be stronger”
And we burst into tears again


Photo : time flies, he is now one fine gentleman. Blessed.

Remembering my father

I remembered seeing him crying that morning
When the one he loved the most left him forever
She left him beautiful children (us) and that gave him hopes to move on
His life was devoted raising us unconditionally
Never once he raised his voice towards us, never angry
All I could remember was the sweet memories we shared with him
He brought laughters to us his children
He never regret anything he said or done
He gave us the best education he could afford
No matter how hard his life was
He never complain and never ask for anything but the happiness of his children
He was a man with a big heart
I was away when he died because we were separated by million miles
I cried and heartbroken for not being there to say good bye
To the man I adored who believed
I found the right man the day I met my husband
Better than him, he was convinced
Memories with him gave me reasons
To bounce back whenever I was feeling down
He was my inspiration, my father..was the man


Moving on (I should have looked beyond the pain)


I was knocked down few times
I was angry and frustrated
My life has been like a rollercoster
Sometimes I was happy
But mostly I was feeling down
It wasn’t easy
When you were not what you used to be
My family grieved as much as I did
They suffered in silence, that I could see
Still I was ignorant and selfish
Worrying too much about what others would think of me
Until he told me,
It is okay to show your pain
It is okay to cry if you want
I may not feel your pain
I may not understand
But we have all we need – us being together with our kids
And we are blessed with so much love
Let them talk, this is our life.
I looked at my children
I knew from that moment
I have to move on
I have to let go
I just have to be me
The one they know
The one they love
I wasted so much time
Grieving and pretending I was fine
Hiding my tears and showing smile
To please others ,not mine
and not  even the ONE (the most deserving)
I forgot what was important
I should have looked beyond the pain
Instead I let myself drowned
In my own emotions


Photo: driving home; reflections


We will be there, don’t you worry


Ten months has passed
We had been running around
To get the best we could
We thought everything was over
I recovered physically and emotionally
Months after the surgery
But, who are we to deny?
When everything started to fall in place
When we were happy to start all over again
Suddenly we got the devastating news
Which brought us down to the lowest point in life
Hopes shattered, we broke down
We had to go through the pain for one more time
Who are we to deny?
Even it was hard to accept
Slowly we brought ourselves up
Taller and stronger than before
We tried our best to be positive
More receptive…
We are tested in such way
To bring us closer to HIM
To make us better person
For today and hereafter
So don’t you worry, we will be there
Back to our life as before
May be better… we believe
HE knows…
HE is the best planner
And, who are we to deny?



Will you still be here tomorrow?

The room is full of laughters again
They are jumping around
Telling so many stories
Hugs and kissess never ending
When it is time for meals
“Where are you sitting mama?”
Both choose to sit next to me
Other times, they play with daddy

That’s the therapy I really need
Being home with my kids
Seeing them smiling and laughing
Which ‘taste’ better than medicines I have to swallow
Helping me to recover emotionally
And bringing joy back into their heart


Then they ask me :
“Will you still be here tomorrow mama?”
Leaving me speechless…


Photo : home-made ‘lempeng’ /pancake from sister