Pink October -To never give up

The hope is to never give up.

The battle you are in is not for you alone but also for everyone around. They always say, they know it is not easy. They tell you to be patient. They reassure you everything is going to be okay. They say the pain is temporary.

That makes you wonder – do they really know how you feel? Your everyday stuggles? Your fears? Your pain?

Then you ask yourself – will I ever recover? Again and again you cry when no one is looking. You feel alone in this battle.

We may not fully understand you… We may not feel your pain… We may walk in different shoes… We may not have the best words to comfort you…But we care as much as you do. And we pray for you…

You are not alone.
There is always hope.
You are a warrior the moment you decided to see a doctor.

Pink October.
The hope is to never give up – all of us.

#pinkoctober #awareness

I feel her pain

She broke the news

I went silent

I did not know what to say

Fearing I might hurt her more

I could feel her pain

It was like deja vu

I had been there

But my storm was almost over

Whilst hers had strucked her like thunder

Abrupt and sudden

That she had no time to prepare

When she was told, ” You have cancer”

……

I wish her well, in my prayers I’ll always whisper her nameā¤

*for a special friend battling with cancer. I know she is strong.

Grieve no more


I learned to ignore

I learned to keep a distance

I allowed myself to grieve

I did not resist

I broke down and cried

Until I suffocated no more

Until I was able to breathe

Until my heart told me that I was ready

To embrace my vulnerability

To embrace my life

And to get back to where I left off

Things will get better, I will get better, that I will always believe.

*written during my recovery from brain surgery*

Photo : morning sky, gloomy day

Vertigo, was it?


Photo : Langkawi October 2016

I saw grey,  was it my eyes? Was it the pain in my head?

My body felt so light like floating in the air, yet my head was heavy

My feet, they were wobbly I could not stay steady

I tried holding onto the wall, my hands they could not feel

I could not open my eyes, I started to see double

Did not know which one was real, I began to stumble

Was it only in my head? Or was it the pain in my head?

Everything moved really fast I could not catch up

I felt like throwing up, nothing came out

Was it the throb in my head? Or was it me that was really weak?

The grey then got darker, the doubles became worst

I fell into my deepest slumber, paralysed in the wildest forest

I lost to the pain in my head…

Was it vertigo? I would ask everytime.

I lost my words

Dear words,

I wanted to write
I could not get you out
Where have you been?
Hiding deep in my brain?

I didn’t know how to tell
What really was in my mind
Maybe it was the pain
Making the right you hard to find

I just hope my dear words
Please be kind
The next time around

Me, myself.
#my struggle after the surgery (feb16). I do hope this would explain my silence.

I am strong, don’t you see?

image

We sat there
The two of us
Quietly sipped our tea
Speechless
Not knowing what to say
Anxious and worried
We just stared at each other
We talked through our eyes;
If only you could read my mind
If only you could understand this silence
I was actually telling you and me,

This might be the closure
In these few days to come

You’ve just got to believe me
I am strong, don’t you see?
Photo : tea time@home with him. My bread puding with papaya

Priceless journey

image

It wasn’t the price or the beauty
Because I am not an artist
It was the story
It was my journey
The memories and images that emerged
On every stroke on the blank canvas
On every single details and colours
When I was struggling with my tremors
When I was in constant fear of losing
Painting was part of my therapy
For physical and emotional recovery
It was real challenge for me and my family
Tears has been shed along the way
An patience has been tested
But we managed to sail through
That is what makes them valuable
…. the missing paintings.

Pic : my medical abstract (neurology)