I lost it!

Ideas popped into my mind

Quickly I grabbed a pen

Wanted to scribble them down

But before any words were written

They just disappeared

Leaving me feeling mad

Frustrated I threw my pen 

and went silent

Because, I lost it again!


*the feeling everytime I was struggling with words. And the reason why I did not update my blog for quite sometime. 

Grieve no more


I learned to ignore

I learned to keep a distance

I allowed myself to grieve

I did not resist

I broke down and cried

Until I suffocated no more

Until I was able to breathe

Until my heart told me that I was ready

To embrace my vulnerability

To embrace my life

And to get back to where I left off

Things will get better, I will get better, that I will always believe.

*written during my recovery from brain surgery*

Photo : morning sky, gloomy day

Vertigo, was it?


Photo : Langkawi October 2016

I saw grey,  was it my eyes? Was it the pain in my head?

My body felt so light like floating in the air, yet my head was heavy

My feet, they were wobbly I could not stay steady

I tried holding onto the wall, my hands they could not feel

I could not open my eyes, I started to see double

Did not know which one was real, I began to stumble

Was it only in my head? Or was it the pain in my head?

Everything moved really fast I could not catch up

I felt like throwing up, nothing came out

Was it the throb in my head? Or was it me that was really weak?

The grey then got darker, the doubles became worst

I fell into my deepest slumber, paralysed in the wildest forest

I lost to the pain in my head…

Was it vertigo? I would ask everytime.

In the waiting room

Numbers popping on the screen

And names called one after another

On their feet, on wheelchairs and walking sticks

They are patients waiting to be seen.

Here I am, sitting among them

Feeling great that my pain is gradually disappearing

And my life is slowly getting back in place.

I can only pray for every face that I see around me today

Be granted patience and strength

And the recovery they are after will eventually be theirs

*I am grateful to be here with these people, who know that giving up is never an option*

Today, Neurosurgery clinic; 830am #2months after.