Ideas popped into my mind
Quickly I grabbed a pen
Wanted to scribble them down
But before any words were written
They just disappeared
Leaving me feeling mad
Frustrated I threw my pen
and went silent
Because, I lost it again!
*the feeling everytime I was struggling with words. And the reason why I did not update my blog for quite sometime.
I learned to ignore
I learned to keep a distance
I allowed myself to grieve
I did not resist
I broke down and cried
Until I suffocated no more
Until I was able to breathe
Until my heart told me that I was ready
To embrace my vulnerability
To embrace my life
And to get back to where I left off
Things will get better, I will get better, that I will always believe.
*written during my recovery from brain surgery*
Photo : morning sky, gloomy day
I saw grey, was it my eyes? Was it the pain in my head?
My body felt so light like floating in the air, yet my head was heavy
My feet, they were wobbly I could not stay steady
I tried holding onto the wall, my hands they could not feel
I could not open my eyes, I started to see double
Did not know which one was real, I began to stumble
Was it only in my head? Or was it the pain in my head?
Everything moved really fast I could not catch up
I felt like throwing up, nothing came out
Was it the throb in my head? Or was it me that was really weak?
The grey then got darker, the doubles became worst
I fell into my deepest slumber, paralysed in the wildest forest
I lost to the pain in my head…
Was it vertigo? I would ask everytime.
It seemed normal to reassure someone to be “strong” and “patient” in the face of adversity. Unfortunately, at times, those words caused even more pain.
-Idayu Maarof; The Doctor is Sick (2016)
Available The Doctor is Sick @ MPH Online Store
Numbers popping on the screen
And names called one after another
On their feet, on wheelchairs and walking sticks
They are patients waiting to be seen.
Here I am, sitting among them
Feeling great that my pain is gradually disappearing
And my life is slowly getting back in place.
I can only pray for every face that I see around me today
Be granted patience and strength
And the recovery they are after will eventually be theirs
*I am grateful to be here with these people, who know that giving up is never an option*
Today, Neurosurgery clinic; 830am #2months after.
I will wear my best smile everyday
So they see that I am happy
And they know that I am positive
Towards my day to day challenges
I am here to inspire
Not to show my tears.
*recovering from brain surgery – my 3rd week*
Simple rule in life :
Be yourself & Stay in love
Do, not what people want
But, the things you love
So you will always be at peace
Knowing you are being you, no one else.
Photo : focus on what really matter; my bougenvilla is blooming celebrating my recovery☺