I challenged myself to doodle/draw everyday in November and to produce at least 4 paintings a week in December. I may not achieve my own expectations in term of the finishing product when the challenge comes to an end (which I don’t really care because I am not an artist), but, it is more than just about what I could produce actually…. it is about getting my confidence back, about trusting myself and not being afraid of failure.
What set me to this challenge is that, someone asked me – have you ever thought of putting your artwork to any exhibition? My answer to her was – I am nobody and I have no confidence. Somehow, my own response made me feel challenged.
How I started painting again.
After realizing that certain colours and lines are my weakness, I started painting differently. I use red and brown as the prime/starting colours and work around them. I do not pre draw, instead I straight away use those colours to paint whatever subject I intended to do. Then, I work around it and complete the painting. No pallette used or colour mixing prior to putting them onto paper. That way, I managed to finally adapt to the problem I am facing. If I were to use green and white or yellow, I will have to use a completely different approach. As much as I love blue, I rarely use that now. Perhaps I have to start experimenting with more blue after this.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I crossed the road, hand in hand with both my superheroes. I did not realize how I really felt until we reached the other side of the busy road. I had never thought that simple action of crossing a road among the crowd would bring me so much joy. Who would have thought walking in the street with two boys can be something special, something to celebrate and to remember… I was emotional. It wasn’t that I had not done it before… perhaps I didn’t really put any thought into it before, since it was rather common thing to do.
Many months back, I would not have had the courage to do so. Even if I was allowed to go out, crossing the street on my own without my husband’s presence was not allowed. The road crossing was unplanned. We were in a mall when I decided maybe we should go to the other side and have our lunch there.
As we stood among the crowds waiting for for the red light, my only focus were my boys – hold my hands, I repeatedly reminded them. We were all smiling as we hurriedly crossed the road when the green light came. Then it started – the emotional bit.
I related it to my husband- I never thought I would feel this this way about crossing a road. Feelings of joy and gratitude.
It was something to celebrate and remember for the rest of my life. Maybe there’s nothing special about crossing a road especially at a pedestrian crossing with a traffic light, but it was different for me. To me it is something I have to be thankful for… .that would explain the tears.
I was asked, why are you smiling but there are tears in your eyes?
Celebrate every little thing in life…
Photo : The sprouting bamboo shoot (rebung) inspired skyscraper, Telekom tower Bangsar.
My nephew said yesterday, “sini asyik hujan hari-hari tapi tak pernah banjir (it is raining everyday here, but never has flooding)”. He actually wished for flooding to happen.
Though we laughed over it, I started thinking what flooding means to him. Is it the joy of seeing water everywhere so he could just stay indoors? Or was it the fact that he thinks he could play in the rising water just like swimming in the pool? Does he not think about the challenges during and after the flood to everyone? Does he know the kind of restrictions would be enforced on him if his house is affected?
I did not ask him further because of the expresssion on his face when he said that. He looked happy and innocent, the kind of look I adore in any small kids. I believe he was just curious. Somehow, he kind of got it when we told him that no one should wish for flooding to happen.
In fact, no one asks for bad things to happen. If it does happen we just have to brave ourselves and move on. Lots of prayers of course.
26th Dec. Photo after the rain@ 0630pm, note from my FB.
Spoiler : I did not notice that red plastic trash was there, hidden between the rocks when I recorded this.