Moving on (I should have looked beyond the pain)

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I was knocked down few times
I was angry and frustrated
My life has been like a rollercoster
Sometimes I was happy
But mostly I was feeling down
It wasn’t easy
When you were not what you used to be
My family grieved as much as I did
They suffered in silence, that I could see
Still I was ignorant and selfish
Worrying too much about what others would think of me
Until he told me,
It is okay to show your pain
It is okay to cry if you want
I may not feel your pain
I may not understand
But we have all we need – us being together with our kids
And we are blessed with so much love
Let them talk, this is our life.
I looked at my children
I knew from that moment
I have to move on
I have to let go
I just have to be me
The one they know
The one they love
I wasted so much time
Grieving and pretending I was fine
Hiding my tears and showing smile
To please others ,not mine
and not  even the ONE (the most deserving)
I forgot what was important
I should have looked beyond the pain
Instead I let myself drowned
In my own emotions

#onceuponatimeIwasthere
#lessonlearned
#healing

Photo: driving home; reflections

i.maarof

We will be there, don’t you worry

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Ten months has passed
We had been running around
To get the best we could
We thought everything was over
I recovered physically and emotionally
Months after the surgery
But, who are we to deny?
When everything started to fall in place
When we were happy to start all over again
Suddenly we got the devastating news
Which brought us down to the lowest point in life
Hopes shattered, we broke down
We had to go through the pain for one more time
Who are we to deny?
Even it was hard to accept
Slowly we brought ourselves up
Taller and stronger than before
We tried our best to be positive
More receptive…
We are tested in such way
To bring us closer to HIM
To make us better person
For today and hereafter
So don’t you worry, we will be there
Back to our life as before
May be better… we believe
HE knows…
HE is the best planner
And, who are we to deny?

#isurvivedopenheartsurgery
#toHIMweshallreturn

i.maarof

Painful experience

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Yes! It was horrible that day
But who am I to judge
We are the same after all
You will only understand
If you were the one lying on that bed
On that particular morning
And if you were the one going through
What I have been through
I hope we all learned our lessons
Through this painful experience I had
Experience is the best teacher
If not for you…at least for me

#beingdoctors
#beingpatients
#forgiveandmoveon

Photo : very early in the morning; as we drove the boys to school

i.maarof

Dancing on the blank canvas

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I see a blank canvas
Slowly my hand moves
Like dancing on a stage
So quiet without music
Without any audience
And no run of applause
Every stroke every move
Bring calmness to me
As the ideas flow in my mind
My hands move along
The blank canvas is transformed
Full of colours full of emotions
And stories to tell
That is what I call
‘Lukis dan tulis ( draw and write)’
‘Expression through art’
My blog to start with 🙂

i.maarof

I just want to feel safe

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If I were pretending
What did I gain?
Tell me…
No one could answer
It was obvious
They (some) didn’t believe
They could not explain
Why that happened to me
I don’t need attention
I just want reassurance
That I’ll be safe the next time
(I am there again)
Will I be safe?
I am not sure anymore

#learningthehardways
#theunexpectedencounter

Photo : our way home

i.maarof

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